"Investigations of a Dog" (German: "Forschungen eines Hundes") is a short story by Franz Kafka (3 July 1883 - 3 June 1924) written in 1922. It was published posthumously in 1931. Kafka wanted his unfinished manuscripts to be destroyed by his friend Max Brod, who nonetheless published them after Kafka's death, including this one. In "Investigations of a Dog", a dog tells of his attempts to make sense of his life and condition in the most rational and scientific manner of which he is capable. The reader knows things that the dog in his limited understanding cannot grasp, which creates dramatic irony. With numerous self-contradictory statements by the dog and hilarious word choices (for example, mentioning scientific pursuits and basest body functions in one breath), the story presents a humorous and timelessly valid reflection on anthropocentrism and scientific hubris. And when you take your dog for a walk next time, you may be less impatient when it insists on lots of conscientious inspection in selecting the best place for watering the ground. In contrast to previous efforts, the present translation attempts to transport Kafka's poetically plain language into modern usage, avoiding latinate terminology that would lend the text pretensions that the original simply does not have.