Bored septuagenarian Maureen enlivens a pub lunch by asking her shocked fellow National Trust volunteers what item they'd steal from Ham House. This harmless game plants a dangerous seed in her head.

With no children of her own, Maureen has become very close to her niece and great-niece, after her sister died over ten years earlier. So she's distraught to hear that they're relocating to New York. At the volunteers' Christmas party, she also learns that her favourite painting will move to a Scottish castle. Gripped by an apparent eve-of-life crisis, Maureen plans to steal the painting during onsite filming of a Poirot drama. After a series of narrow escapes, Maureen makes off with the swag.

The novice fine art thief is rumbled by some fellow room guides, but snitches get stitches and instead of grassing her up, camaraderie wins out and they decide to help.

Often written off as an insipid old fart, Maureen's new set of friends make her feel alive again. No longer quite so invisible, can this unlikely pensioner gang return the now infamous painting without being caught by the Feds?

With over five million members, the National Trust is a huge British institution. Yet, next to nothing has been written about it in terms of contemporary fiction. Until now.

For lovers of upmarket cosy crime, No Oil Painting will have you rooting for Maureen and wishing you were part of her crew.