This is the story of my fifteen and a half years in an orphanage during the depression and WWII years, and how it has impacted my life. It was one of the finest institutions in that time period but the traumas and pains I endured have had a lasting effect on the rest of my life. My wish for years was to be able to curl up and die - not suicide but of a mishap of any kind. I felt unlovable, helpless, and hopeless. I have written this book to tell my grandchildren, especially Evan, who proposed that I write this story - the story of my life. I also want child social workers to have an understanding of the children they must place outside of their homes. They need to appreciate the depth of despair these children face.